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THE BEAUTIFUL USHER
As I read the usher’s response at the back of the card again and again, I knew there was something wrong with her response and not with what I wrote. Something was definitely wrong with the response no matter how you want to look at it. I Insisted that I will not allow a lady’s comment kill my spirit which I had succeeded in reviving after some months of self-imposed ban on relationships and relationships related discussions. I needed that time off to rediscover my strength, my weaknesses and to generally refocus. It worked like wonder. I had no commitments, emotions were almost at a hiatus and my eyes became blinded to a lot of things.
Here I was after rekindling interests in women affairs and hoping to get the best that I can possibly get, I was being told to walk in the spirit not to fulfill the lust of the flesh. I might be wrong but who goes to the market with his eyes closed? I wondered why the beautiful usher would settle for that choice of words. She was wrong, Itried to convince myself for the umpteenth time. Then again, you may not totally know what people are thinking at any given time. Something must have informed that choice of word, I said to myself as I tried to create some room for the benefit of doubts. What I did was just an expression of my desire to see a lady after service; I hadn’t said more than that. What better way can one possibly convey one’s expression of interest? Or since it was a church environment, should I have written it in a different language? Maybe I should have written it in King James Version? Maybe like this, ”tell me, O thou lady whom my eyes seeth and liketh; my soul desireth to see thee after service. What thinkest thou?’’ Is that how I should have expressed it to show that I wasn’t driven by the lust of the flesh that I was fully in the spirit??
The more I look at the texts on the card and scrutinize those words, the angrier I got. I was almost going to react to her in like manner; call off the interest and continue my search elsewhere, after all, they say there are plenty fishes in the ocean. However, on a second thought, I decided against calling it off, instead, I made up my mind I was going to meet the beautiful Usher in person and then see what would come out of it. I love the way my heart tends to beat whenever I found myself in conditions like this. There’s usually this positive rush of adrenaline which has a way of activating my creative juices. You needed to see how much I waited for the following Sunday, a day I was almost certain I would see her again in church.
The following Sunday, I arrived for service way ahead of time. I knew if she would be in church, she would equally come on time for their usual prep before services commenced. Ushers are not allowed to come for Sunday services late. It is a no no. As I walked through the church gate, I saw the beautiful usher from afar discussing with some of her colleagues. I quickly made a mental calculation of how to take her away from the mini group without incurring her wrath or setting myself up for some ridicule. With ladies of how type, anything is impossible including high powered snub or cold shoulder. I had an idea of what to do or how to go about it; all I needed to do is just to put my best foot forward. I wasn’t badly dressed and my haircut was on point as well. As for looks, I have got some advantages too. My spoken English isn’t bad either. Yeah, you got it, that was me trying to tick all the boxes in my head before making that all important move. My first impression needed to be top notch. I needed that killer impression if I could borrow some slang from Falz, the fast rising comedian and musician. I walked up to the group of ushers discussing and exchanging loud banters and motioned at the usher I had interest in. She pointed at herself and asked, ‘’me?!’’ I nodded in affirmation. I was almost going to say ”before nko?!” She excused herself from the group and walked up to me. While she was still trying to wriggle herself from the group, I had taken two or three steps backwards just to make sure we were not within hearing distance. ”Good morning, I know you won’t recognize me?’’ ”I actually don’t,’’ she replied swiftly. I reached deep down within me, looking for the best possible way to introduce myself and to shatter the ice. ”My name is walk in the spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh,’’ I said. I didn’t smile while I recited that long name. I had my eyes fixed on her eyes looking for what emotion she would betray. ‘’Oh, is that you? She asked in a rather mellowed voice. ”Yes!” I answered in an equally mellowed voice. She was more receptive this time around; I could see the willingness in her eyes to engage me in further discussion.What could have changed between last Sunday and now? Well, wetin conern me, babe dey respond well and I had to yarn well. I made sure she did not have an upper hand as the discussion progressed. Like I mentioned earlier, I reached down into me to draw some words that can only come from within. Not those cheap half felt words scattered all over the internet. No, I wasn’t ‘toasting’ her on the spot. Ah ah, why should I? That would have been serious jumping of the gun or putting the cart before the horse. I had to let her know the first time I saw her and at what point I made up my mind to talk to her.
Surprise! Surprise! The usher apologized to me for her choice of words, explaining that they usually get a lot of notes from guys almost every Sunday. She also confessed they had to devise ways to turn down those advances especially the ones they were not interested in. Before I left her, we had agreed to meet again after the day’s service to continue from where we stopped. I walked into the church excited and worshiped God in spirit and in truth without looking left or right for what I have not lost. I don’t know if it was me or the excitement, well, head or tail, the service that morning seemed unusually long but I enjoyed every bit it. I looked forward to meeting the beautiful Usher immediately after service. At the end of the service, my hope of meeting with this beautiful Usher was dashed. She walked up to me to say she would not be seeing me that afternoon. According to her, she was supposed to be in a meeting of Ushers that afternoon after service. I asked if we could meet the following Sunday instead. She refused to make any commitment insisting we leave our options open. I accepted her proposal and then pressed for her number. She smiled, stood for some minutes and stared hard at her phone as if something would happen to it if she gave me her number. At the end. we exchanged numbers and for the first time, she mentioned her name to me. With some finesse, the usher said her name is Christabel. I told her my name too. We parted ways immediately after the exchange of names and number. I watched Christabel until she was out of sight. This particular Sunday was better than the previous one; you see, I wouldn’t have gone this far if I had reacted negatively to her initial resistance.
I didn’t call Christabel until Thursday night; that was when it felt right to call her. She did not pick the first call, well, I wasn’t expecting her to pick either. Women must be women when it comes to matters like this or how do you want them to remind you that you are the one doing the chasing. She picked my third and what would have been my final attempt at calling her at least for that day. We moved from the usual rituals, the ”how was your day”, the ”what are you doing right now” and those kind of questions when you are trying to establish a proper background. We ended the call on a high note; we agreed to meet again the following Sunday. She reassured as long as it is within her control, she would definitely attend the meeting.
We met the following Sunday as planned. The meeting was an eye opener; honestly I loved every minute we spent at our meeting place. We chatted about almost anything you can think of except the very mundane things. Of course! I was able to extract from her some crucial personal details, the type that would make you throw your hat into the ring and fight until the lady is yours. There was no need to beat about the bush, I opened up to her and told her my grand plan for us. Yes, for us. I wouldn’t say she was excited and I wouldn’t say was not excited, she looked a bit undecided. At the end, she would not commit to anything. She causally requested us to wait and see how things unfold. I did not bother to press her more than I had already done that afternoon. I was willing to see how things would turn out too.
It has been more than seven months since our first meeting and since we committed to seeing how things would turn out and the status quo has not changed. Both of us are still observers waiting to see how things would go or turn out. Funny enough, she’s not willing to let go and she’s also not willing to come inside. Which kain observation be this one biko nu? Will she ever be mine? I guess time will tell. Let’s keep observing to see how things would eventually turn out! All I can say is that we are two cute observers. LOL!